I have always wanted to talk about my anxiety but I have always been to scared too! I thought if my family didn’t accept it then why would random people would? But lately I’ve been reading some amazing blogs that talk about their anxiety and seeing all the support they got made me realize that I shouldn’t be scared to talk about who I am and so here I am… This will be a 2 part post, this one being about me and my journey with my anxiety and the next will be about how my family sees me and how they handle my anxiety. so lets get started…
It all started in middle school. I would just cry all the time and be so scared of nothing I didn’t know why! I would never go school and just didn’t have friends. That went on till about high school I started to feel better but I was still scared of everything and nothing I didn’t know what to do so my mom took me to a doctor and at the age of 14 I was diagnosis with anxiety disorder. I didn’t know really what it was or what was going to happen. but the doctor tried telling me but I didn’t understand. I just knew I wasn’t normal and something was wrong with me! Then about a few months after I started researching it and it started to make sense but the thing about anxiety is it doesn’t make sense you never know what is going to happened. But I started to get a idea of what was going on with me.
Imagine being trapped in a dark room, no doors no windows just a pitch black room no one there to talk to no one there to help just all alone. Thats how I saw life and not having anyone there for you made me sick. Everyday it feels like someone is sitting on my shoulder telling me everything I have done wrong in my life telling me I’m ugly or stupid or that I’m not worth anything. I have no family there to help me no friends. No one understood they just make fun of me. Then having someone just sitting on your chest you can’t breathe your heart is pounding you feel light-headed you don’t know what to do and your scared you think you might die that’s what a anxiety attack feels likes. Everyday I was waking up sick and I felt more and more shitty everyday. That’s what I had to deal with and I still deal with that today…
I’m now 20 and I still deal with the same shit. No one understands my anxiety my family doesn’t care. (which I will talk about in the next part!) I am on medicine for my anxiety disorder and it did help but with all the stress I’m under lately it doest help that much. I’m bullied in my own home by my 16 year old sister and still doing a lot and that can make me sick I am always having a anxiety attack and they hurt I still don’t have friends to talk to and my ex boyfriend didn’t want to be with be because of my anxiety but I am happy! and that’s because of Ally+Kat! Making this blog has given me a place to write my feelings and when I get stress I just work on the blog and it makes me Happy. It gives me a place to escape when I’m feeling stress! I have talk to some of you guys and that makes me happy so thank you guys for letting me have a place where im not stressed or a place where i can speak my mind. A place where I am happy!
I hope you guys like this blog post it was tough to me to write this and it did take a while to write because at times I didn’t want to talk about my anxiety and I would cry but anyways thank you for everything and as always I love you guys so so much and see you in the next post!
↣ Ally+Kat ↢
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