bly shouldn’t follow… but also kind of should.
Let’s talk about exes.
Not the normal ones — the ones you regret so deeply that you look back and think, “Wow… I really dated a man who is technically an adult but emotionally the height of a middle-schooler.”
Yes.
We’re talking about him.
So here it is:
Your official, unhelpful, slightly toxic, extremely sassy Misguide to Handling an Ex You Regret Because He’s Short and Immature.
Step 1: Remember He’s Short
This is the foundation of the entire guide.
Whenever he tries to start drama, just imagine him trying to reach the top shelf and failing.
Instant peace.
If he’s yelling?
Picture him needing a booster seat to do it.
If he’s acting like he’s the main character?
Remember he’s the height of a side quest.
Is this mature?
Absolutely not.
Is it therapeutic?
Absolutely yes.
Step 2: You Are Not His Babysitter
If he’s acting his height instead of his age, that is NOT your responsibility anymore.
You are not here to teach a grown man:
- How to communicate
- How to apologize
- How to not throw tantrums
- How to not act like a fun-sized menace
He can go be short and dramatic somewhere else.
Step 3: Do Not Engage in Miniature Chaos
If he tries to start something, simply respond with:
“I don’t argue with men under 5’5.”
Is this petty?
Yes.
Does it feel amazing?
Also yes.
Step 4: Romanticize Your Regret
Instead of being embarrassed you dated him, just rebrand it as character development.
Try these:
“I had to date someone short so I could grow emotionally AND vertically.”
“It was a community service.”
“I was doing research on what not to do.”
Instant healing.
Step 5: Block, Delete, and Emotionally Launch Him Into Space
The best way to handle an ex you regret?
Don’t.
Block him. (well he blocked me and izzy and everyone but then I blocked him because he always comes back…)
Delete him.
Throw him into the void.
If he tries to come back, simply say:
“I don’t recycle.”
Step 6: Act Your Worth, Not His Height
You are tall in standards.
Tall in emotional maturity.
Tall in self-respect.
He is…
Well.
Not.
Let him stay short.
You rise above.
Final Step: Laugh About It
Because honestly?
If you don’t laugh, you’ll scream.
And we’re not giving exes that kind of power anymore.
You survived it.
You learned from it.
And now you get to make fun of it on the internet.
A win is a win.
Plus izzy gets something to laugh at when she feels bad. And whats crazy is be wasn’t my worse ex…..
Okay byeee, love you, go drink water and do something gentle for yourself today 💗
ps. Fuck cruz
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